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ReAwakening

A return to the sensory loving aspect of an essence

Long Overdue Update
Posted:Feb 23, 2007 4:52 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2007 7:31 am
24111 Views

I haven't blogged in quite a while. Oh, I have lots floating around that I want to share, but I am afraid it will come pouring out in a stream of consciousness style (and Vriginia Wolff I'm not!) So lets see if I can do this semi-organized.

First, I started blogging a little over a year ago. My re-awakening continues and is a wondrous thing. After 23 yrs of being faithful and straight, I broke down and did what i wanted and got a man.
And that man - half my age - continues in my life. We were hot and heavy, he broke it up 'cause he was seeing a girl, he kept meeting me and now he has me and not the girl! He continues his protestations of being str8, and that's ok since he is now a better lover than he was a year ago! But better than that - we are becoming good friends who IM and call each other. And it is this friendship which makes the sex better than ever!

Ok men - I know there are the moralists out there who are ready (no - they hav already) to condemn me. So this brings me to

Second - I am an adulterer now. I feel no guilt. But I accept it. I do not try to say that it's not cheating because I'm doing it with a man. Yes, I have old my wife that IF I have sex with a man it is only dirty, rutting sex without emotion. And usually it is. But the emotions ae there. So I lied!
And unfortunately, some of the things that drove me back to men still exist.
Granted, since I renewed my m2m activities, the marital sex life improved 1,000%. I feel it is because I am now more the man she fell in love with than I have been over the years. Yes - I was sexually active with men before we married, and the table of gay friends at our wedding was a group almost entirely of sexual partners. She had to know!
But a bigger part is that because of her business, she still leaves massive amounts of time when I am alone - and she devotes her waking time to a business I hate and sucks $$ out of the household. Not a dream. And she manages to alienate friends - the friends we have as a married couple. She wants 'our' time to be she and me, but I need more. And now she is going back into her funk, and is talking less but demanding I be there all the time.
I love my wife, but as she ages, she is becoming a much more confusing person who isn't as willing to share.
This obviously is a continuing saga that remains to develop.And grow. Resolve? Maybe.

Third - my sexual habits have changed, grown, and become consuming.I have enjoyed many men in the past 13 months. They have ranged from 27 to 62, and all had semi-positive aspects.Even if it was just a learning experience.
The end result? I have confirmed that I like cock. I like it in my hand. In my mouth. In my ass (if it's the right man). And I am indeed a borderline slut.
I enjoy going to the porn shop with the theater where you can enjoy your fellow patrons to the extent that all parties agree to. Yes - I have fucked men there, tho' never been fucked in the theater (that would have to be someone I knew). Annonymous sex? Yes! There is a time and a place for it, and, for me, it is good.
And since I'm at the porn shop, of course I hav e acquired toys. Love my toys, and not going into that here! But they are fun!

Now comes the hard part. The emotions. The desire for someone special and the desire to just enjoy. I crave the emotional involvement, but I fear it. I fear it because I don't want to fall in love with someone else. But I want it. I want that closeness, that more than friendship situation where you can be open and honest. And wake up next to him once in a while.
My young friend? Don't think that would happen. But I know other men, men I could love because of their maturity, their intelligence, their wit. They are good men. And they are available since they are divorced.
So I sit on the horns of a dilemma. And I sit on a horn every chance I get.

Very major positive since I began my re-awakening? I have found a community of men, good men, thoughtful and generally supportive. Yes - you my fellow OP members are that community. And because of the support I can deal with the nay-sayers who curse and condemm me. One fellow member went as far as to tell me I was going to hell. Oh well! I think I'll meet all my friends there!

So thank you all for listening, reading and being you. Because I'm loving me!

Stay well - stay safe - stay hard!
0 Comments
Keeping it straight
Posted:Aug 31, 2006 5:02 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2011 8:49 am
23034 Views

Haven't written anything in a while so thought I would try to put some thoughts down. Lord knows, the thoughts swirl around in what passes for a brain, and I keep waiting for them to settle down!

Firstly - the title of this has nothing at all to do with sex. It becomes a little more difficult to keep track of my doings the more I do. Thankfully the wife remains horny - but she did find my assortment of cock and nipple rings which I sort of brushed aside. She enjoys the cock rings - just hasn't seen all of them! Nipple clamps and rings - I'll test the waters as to how she feels about them. It might even be time to broach the subject of a 3some.

And men. Oh, they are delightful. The man I wrote of last time continues in the picture, and each time I se him I am more attracted, as he appears to be also. But is that enough? No. Why? Because I'm afraid of me - if I see him too much, I wouldn't wnat him to be misled and I won't allow myself to go down certain roads yet. (Even as I write this, I debate calling him or meeting up with a 27yr old!)
And of course there are the usual horny men who are looking for a bj and little more. Don't get me wrong - I truly enjoy sucking a cock until it explodes down my throat, but c'mon guys - do me too! If I want to only suck, I can go to the book store and the glory holes for that! (And I don't do glory holes!)

Adding to the difficulty in minding my p's and q's is that I changed employers. New employer seems good, but no set schedule yet. Now how can I plan on meeting someone if I don't know when I'm available? Of course, I also travel twice as far so it has become a tad easier to stretch the truth as to when I'm supposed to be home!

So here I sit. Closet door opens for me to run in and out a few times a week. Bedroom door is closed for the time being (damm still hasn't gotten a job where he's out of the house when daddy's home!) Motels cost - and the car isn't comfortable. But I manage, trust me!

Rambling? A bit. The thoughts keep swirling. The men keep cumming, and I swallow their loads. And yes - I find a good one here and there.

Thank god for men!
Life IS good!!
Don't cry for me Argentina (or Long Island)!

Until next time - wishing you all wet dreams and hard-on days!!!!
0 Comments
Having Sex or Making Love?
Posted:Jul 9, 2006 4:34 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2006 4:42 am
22926 Views

One of my new friends called me the other day. He asked if I would like to get together. After determining he wanted dessert, not lunch, we made arrangements to meet.
This particular friend is someone I met at a video parlor. That's right guys - we were jerking and sucking in a semi-public place! And when he left, he hands me his # and asks me to call! This recent matinee was our 2nd get-together since the parlor.
After almost 2hrs together, we each left feeling that we wanted more. I would like to be able to see him in a dating situation. I could see him wondering why he allowed a woman to move in with him. (He is my age, divorced). But what we shared in that room was more than just sex. We had made love. The video parlor is having sex. But not all motels involve making love.
I have another friend w/benefits, and for him it is all about sex. Not making love. Don't get me wrong- it's great sex, but it is not making love.

And here comes the issue that many will say I have no right to complain about.
Of course I am married. And this site (and others) has more married men looking for men than I really care to count. And yes - by dropping trou we are cheating on our wives. In a first howdy/how do with one man, I told him I considered myself an adulterer - he didn't like that because it made him one also, and he wasnt ready for that. Oh well! No - I am not supposed to have a LTR. I have one. But I want another - with a man. How I do that without seriously hurting my wife and our relationship is somthing I may never figure out, but I have no problem with a man showing up at my funeral claiming to be my lover (reminds me of Albee's play, "All Over"). The wife would have suspected; so too the .
Oh, dear friends and readers, I am not asking your permission to have a LTR. Please- don't respond with your moralizing; I know the routine.

Okay - feels better now - I actually put in writing what I'm feeling, and lonely is not part of it. Neither is slutty or whorey.
This whole reawakening is at a time of life when there are so many changes going on around me (maybe I'm just menopausal?). is finished with school - staring his adult life and career. But where and doing what? Wife is hornier than ever and giving herself more time to share with me. And me - I crave that which I used to have. MEN!
Our parents are all deceased so I am not worried about them being upset. Our families? Truly a dysfunctional group who barely talk to us anyway!
Really feeling better now - time to go to work - thanks for listening!

Wishing you wet dreams and hard-on days!
0 Comments
Independence Day?
Posted:Jul 4, 2006 8:33 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2006 6:11 am
22955 Views

Have not posted in a while - how is everyone out there?
I'm sitting here, supposed to review the web site of a company I'm interviewing with in the morning - will do that in a little bit. Wife has gone to bed, buddies not on line, just the usual - me and this machine!

But I just finished watching several hours of firework/4th of July celebrations.
Our Washington, DC celebration was entertaining and ok. New York, done by the world's largest store (I will NOT say their name) was extensive- good entertainment (Liza Minelli even roused herself to appear) and over the top firework.

Then we switched to watch the Boston Pops and Boston. WOW! Granted, I am partial to the Boston Pops - they are fun! and damned are they good! The crowd on the lawn was young and as inspirational as the music. The firworks? Fantastic! and what made them better was that they were not over the top - beautiful and classy (sort of like Boston itself)
Going back to the audience - a sailor waving a flag on a pole. A group of people (military and non) unfurling a flag and waving it!

As for me personally - working in retail means there is no such thing as independence day - store open 10am-6pm. So what's the big deal? Wore my flag tie (mostly unappreciated by the unwashed masses).
And independence for a married bi-sexual? OK, I know that's another issue. Yet for gays in general it is better now than it was when I was a , and while prejudice will always exist, either it has lessened or we have harder shells.

So - Independence Day? YES! We are fortunate to live in a country and a time where great things can and do happen! That war thing? Like most issues in life, the big things solv ethemselves and at least it allows us to resolve the little ones.
To any one who has read this - celebrate lie, celebrate our country, vote!, and especially celebrate yourself.
0 Comments
What A..............?
Posted:Jun 9, 2006 7:24 pm
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2016 10:44 am
22595 Views

I sit here tonight thinking about today's events. When I decided to write, I reviewed my last 2 entries (trying to keep some continuity for myself, not to mention those who read this and might care)

So - with the home, sexual escapades have been, shall we say, nil. Well, not quite. Two weeks ago I decided I wanted to se one of my nw "friends" since the first was such a toe-curling experience. He was off on a Friday (school scheduling) and was having his car serviced. Well, his car, him and me all got serviced! Yes, we had to motel it at a place which is only good for short stays, but what the hell - it was clean-ish. And a worthwhile experience. Due to scheduling, he may come here for morning coffee.

But how? The is leaving on Sunday. For Chicago. For a trial run position as a fundraiser/guy friday, god knows what for a non-profit, Aiki Essentials. This company works for peace and understanding thru the Japanese martial art of Aikido. Seems good. They will put him up and pay a stipend while he's there for 3-5 weeks. Don't ask. I frown on the arrangements; I applaud him for having the balls to pick up and go that far from home alone. I will continue to take the position of supporting him and praying. A lot.

So from 2 weeks ago to now, it's been dry. I decided I was going to try one of those infamous porn store/glory hole/video theaters. Went there Monday after work. It wasn't bad. So today I went there prepared for it. (Did I mention that all I can smell right now is sex?) So in 90 minutes I did 2 and 1 did me. Then I get home. The wife is more than amorous ( home crimps our style also). Let me just say thank god for viagra! She is now falling asleep a very content camper. I had fish for an appetizer and for an entree!

Like Mae West said - when I'm good I'm good. When I'm bad I'm better. Oh, Spank me!

Yes - my reawakening has reawakened her. She did fall in love with a bi-sexual after all. Life is good - and I will make sure it gets better!

Have a great night all - wet dreams tonight and a hard-on day tomorrow!
0 Comments
ATTENTION NYC !!
Posted:May 25, 2006 3:26 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 10:20 am
22758 Views

Here we are approaching Memorial Day weekend. I sit here listening to the Today/New York program.

Guess what?

FLEET'S IN!!!

All you NYC residents know that this means the City is hosting military vessels from around the world to its docks. Some are open to the public.

All contain sailors who will be on leave in various shifts!!!!!

So - to all the skanks and whores and whatever out there - HAVE FUN!

Oh - for the rest of you - this also means the Greenwich Village Art Show opens in the village. Interesting, sometimes great, sometimes laughable art you can purchase for your home or office. And it's in Greenwich Village! If you don't like the art, you may find a bulging basket or three walking around.

Have a safe holiday all !!
(Meanwhile, I have to work all 3 days and can't enjoy any of these events!)
0 Comments
And now what?
Posted:May 24, 2006 5:49 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2006 4:10 am
22548 Views

Since last I wrote, very little has been going on (sexually, at least). The gentlemen I met for cocktails came for a "visit" that was quite fun and will happen in the future.

My other new toe-curler and I have had scheduling problems which we hope to resolve soonly. And if I mentioned the DDS in the past, he calls but again, scheduling problems.

The biggest problem for me now is my . Well, he's a problem only inasmuch as my social life is concerned.

He graduated college! He's got the degree! I am very proud of him and more importantly, he is proud of his accomplishment. This was getting to be iffy in the past few weeks. But now he is home, under my roof; not 500mi away. I spent 5days driving there, packing him up, cleaning etc. and now we have to unpack the trailer! And this too shall pass.

So until he starts working, I can't host. But I may see my friends anyway. Shit, I will see my friends!

Just an update here - hope all is well with everyone out there in blog-land and will write soon.
0 Comments
Why did he break up?
Posted:May 10, 2006 8:21 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 3:15 am
22929 Views

In January, as a major part of my reawakening, I started a sexual relationship with a 27yr old bi curious I met thru here.

Now let's take a real pill - I'm twice his age, half again his weight, but not curious. Let's leave it that I had fun; he was good for my ego.

But then he got a gf he feels serious about. I knew what was coming before he did. So last month, after 3 months of mutual enjoyment, he told me he was over his thing for men. Fine. Told him I expected it. We remain friendly, and IM each other.

So why did he start renewing his request last week for a 3-some? Not only MMM but also MWM if the W is my wife? And why did he start begging me to come to his house at midnight? This from someone who doesn't want his "regular" friends to know about me?

But the flesh is weak. And the cock is hard. Last night I left at Midnight to go to his home and, yes, we did it. And it was great. He seemed even more into than ever! When I was finally able to catch my breath and ask him what gives, he admitted he was missing the action, and realized he wanted more than he had previously allowed! (previous no rear entry - last night couldn't get enough!) Far less selfish than before; a much better sex-partner (no I won't call him a lover). And he claims all is great with the gf!

Or do you think he's jealous? I let him know that this rolling stone was not going to gather moss and was busy meeting new friends, some with benefits! And it has been good!

Whichever it is - jealousy or his realization that he's more bi than str8 - I want to be his friend, maybe a sometimes sex-partner or friend with benefits. He's a good person, a kind boi-man. And since I'm stronger and more sure of myself now, he won't be allowed to use me as I had begun to allow. Now we will be equals if he wants anything.

Oh - youth is wasted on the young!
0 Comments
A CONTINUATION OF THE REAWAKENING
Posted:May 6, 2006 8:44 pm
Last Updated:May 29, 2024 9:44 pm
22503 Views

I re-read my own header for my blog, which indicates I am using this as a diary of my return to a loving and sensual existence. Personnally, I feel, Damm, I'm good!

To those who responded on my prior blog offering their support, I offer sincere thanks. This is the community I have grown to enjoy. As to the others, I agree that I will have to ignore them just as I ignore the blogs uninteresting to me.

As I continue down this path of reviving the old sensuous individual I am, I find I am nicer to people around me (I may even begin to talk to my sister again, but that's another tale!)

For purposes here, I followed my Thursday WOW session with 2 scheduled meetings on Friday. My coffee meeting ended up solitary - the old fool must've gotten confused. Cocktails at noon however proved to be more than pleasant. No sex but two and-a-half hrs of intelligent conversation tinged with sexual innuendo, outright sexual questioning and discussions about ourselves, our lives, etc, etc. Two men using their upper heads keeping their southern heads under control. He (like Thursday's man) is someone to see again. This friends w/benefits thing just may work out!

And then I went home, stopping at my wife's business to say hello. When she finally got home, we got down to business. Now, we hadn't been having sex for years (you read that right, years!) until this baaaaaad boy decided to wake up the hidden beast that was being sublimated. Well, let me tell you - since renewing relations with men I've also renewed relations with her. My re-awakening has led to a re-awakening in her and we are now poised to follow a path for the next 25yrs. Needless to say, she doesn't understand what has gotten into me (and I haven't told her what or who!) but she seems to be enjoying the changes. She has even asked if I wanted a 3-some! You could've knocked me over (especially since I was still out of breath!) Well, this is going to be an intersesting side street! I might have to start blogging on alt.com!

So this reawakening continues. I'm seriously looking for another job with renewed self-confidence; I'm having sex with men like I was in my 20's again; and my wife and I are acting like newlyweds! So how bad could it be?

To all in this cyber community, I wish you hard days and wet dreams!
0 Comments
Judgement Day
Posted:May 6, 2006 3:54 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 3:17 am
22802 Views

Yesterday's blog about being a bad boy was intended to be more humorous than anything. Imagine my surprise to receive comments basically damning me.

If anyone has read my blog (I'm sorry if for some people they are too long) they will know that I acknowledge being an adulterer. It is my one flaw.

Maybe it is actually the 2nd flaw, since according to the moralists just having sex with another man should cause me to burn in hell. If that's the case, when we add same-sex sex to adultery, I guess I'll be in hell. Or is this hell?

Since joining this site, and navigating its offerings, I have had a sense of welcoming community. I have grown to thank many for their contributions to blog-world and the advice column.

Unfortunately, the moralists continue to feel it is their right, no, their duty, to bash those they feel are not up to their standards of gayness. I am a firm believer in the freedoms our society gives us, especially the freedom of speech/the written word. And I will defend your rights as legally provided to each of us.

However - your right terminates when it tramples mine. And the reverse is also true.

I was taught if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. I make every attempt to follow that simple rule.

Be that as it may, your comments are always welcome. Yes, I am sensitive to moralistic observations. But then again - I look forward to meeting everyone after Judgement Day.

May you all enjoy in the interim.
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